Now it's just too late and we can't go back...

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 03:39:09 GMT

Bad people don't deserve to have friends.

Bad people don't deserve to fall in love.

Bad people don't deserve to dream.

Bad people don't deserve to live.

Bad people deserve to die....

...And I'm a bad, bad person...

At night I pray....

...That soon my face will fade away...

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 00:32:26 GMT

Now it's just too late...and we can't go back...

I should never have been asked to keep a "secret" between two friends. Especially not one like that. David wanted to know and I told him, plain and simple. He's still head-over-heels for you anyway, so it's not like it did anything but make me look bad..make me feel bad.

I'm a horrible friend, and now you know it.

But damn, Samantha, you don't know how lucky you are, and you whine about how lonely your life is.. You don't know shit about lonely. Talk to me when all your friends have gone off and gotten married and you're the only single person in your circle. Talk to me when no one even looks in your direction. Talk to me when every single day of your life, you wonder what it would be like if you were never born.

THEN, and only then, do you have the right to whine about how lonely your life is.

So, you're lucky, Samantha, and you don't even know it. I would -kill- to be in your shoes.

A twist of events.

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 01:11:04 GMT

Michael Weatherly is hot. End of discussion.
He was hot on Dark Angel. He's hot now on Navy NCIS. He could be a total moron, and he'd still be hot. He just gets bonus points because he looks intelligent.
It's kind of a shame that he and Jessica Alba didn't get married. They'd have been a gorgeous couple with gorgeous children. If he's looking for a wife now, someone give him my number! I'd marry him. Seriously!
I live with an idiot. My mom's supposed to come home from Louisiana tonight and my stepdad is supposed to come get her. He left his cellphone at home and no one can find him. And my mom's plane had engine trouble, so she's still in Louisiana.. Oh geez... I don't have such a good feeling about all of this...
I think my head is going to start pounding. I'm crying because my mom called crying. I just got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I pray that things are okay...Please, God, let them be okay...

Mon, 27 Sep 2004 04:29:26 GMT

I'm depressed. Miserably so.
I won't fall in love.
The only guys that show interest in me are too far away to do anything about it, and even they're not all that interested in me.
I won't have children.
I'm only good with kids under the age of 5. And since I'm not going to be getting married, I'd have to be a single mom if I have kids..and that's just not going to happen. I'm not strong enough to raise a child on my own.
There are days when it would just be easier for me to cease to exist.
I'm not good enough for this life.
I'm wasting my life away.
More than once I've been told that I'm a waste of flesh. Of space. Of time. That I have no reason to truly exist on this planet, and maybe they're right.
Maybe I'm just holding on because there are those very few people that think they want me here...

...They don't. They just don't realize it yet.

They'll forget I even exist one day. You'll see.

I really wanna know...

Sat, 18 Sep 2004 02:40:48 GMT

"99 bottles of beer on the wall...99 bottles of beer..you swab one down, run it through CODIS...98 bottles of beer on the wall.."

I am obsessed when it comes to CSI..AND I MISSED THURSDAY'S EPISODE!!!! WHY..OH WHY did that stupid new athletic director put my brother on JV? Now I'm stuck going to Thursday night games when I could be watching my show!!!!

I've been renting the DVDs and I can't wait for season 4 to come out..lol..I just finished season 3's episodes today.

Oh dear, I'm a freak.

My friend Ash is actually studying this stuff, which makes her my new best friend. Haha.

My favorite episode of all times? Unfriendly Skies. My wallpaper has pics from that episode, with lyrics from Maroon 5's "Harder To Breathe". I'm loving it! [OH NO! CUE THE MCDONALD'S THEME!] Haha. Sorry.

I feel like I'm bouncing off the walls all of a sudden.. VERY bad thing.

New code for phone sex? Going to Vegas. Why? Because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas... Don't ask me where I got this from. Believe me, you don't want to know the answer.

Movie worth renting? Soul Plane. That is SO freakin' funny! If you want serious? Man On Fire. Kid-Friendly? Home On The Range. "You must be taking stupid lessons from that buffalo." Need I say more?

Okay..now..I'm going to go to bed.

Sweetest of dreams, darkest of motives...

Amanda.

When you walk away, you don't hear me say, please, oh baby, don't go...

Thu, 09 Sep 2004 03:32:36 GMT

When you walk away
You don't hear me say please
Oh baby, don't go
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go

You're giving me too many things
Lately you're all I need
You smiled at me and said,

Don't get me wrong I love you
But does that mean I have to meet your father?
When we are older you'll understand
What I meant when I said "No,
I don't think life is quite that simple"

When you walk away
You don't hear me say please
Oh baby, don't go
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go

The daily things
that keep us all busy
all confusing me thats when u came to me and said,

Wish i could prove i love you
but does that mean i have to walk on water?
When we are older you'll understand
It's enough when i say so,
And maybe somethings are that simple

When you walk away
You don't hear me say please
Oh baby, don't go
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go

Hold me
Whatever lies beyond this morning
Is a little later on
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all
Nothing's like before

When you walk away
You don't hear me say please
Oh baby, don't go
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go

Hold me
Whatever lies beyond this morning
Is a little later on
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all
Nothing's like before

Hold me
Whatever lies beyond this morning
Is a little later on
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all
Nothing's like before...

Resurrection...

Thu, 09 Sep 2004 01:08:35 GMT

...So I've deleted the posts and I've started fresh. Why? Because I love to ramble. So naturally, I'd want to have my only little journal where I could ramble like that. Haha.
I spent all last night talking to someone I roleplay with. Why? I dunno, exactly. Just sorta..happened, I guess. No, I'll be honest. It was because he did the puppy eyes, and I can't resist.
We talked about other people we roleplay with, just random things in general.
He's a really good guy. Sweet. Has this HUGE crush on another girl we play with. She's a doll. And he's crushing hard. I think he's the only one from the storyline we're in that I've ever been tempted to talk to on the phone. Just because he tries so hard to keep me from giving up on love, even though I think we both know that I'll most likely do it anyway. He's trying to set me up with his friend. I think he knows it's not gonna happen. I mean, I don't mind talking to the guy, but...yeah.
I just don't see myself with anyone. I can't even begin to imagine it.
One of the guys in the storyline kinda terrifies me. He has a VERY stalkerish attitude and he's already kinda proven that he stalks me. He got into my account to see if I was lying to him after I deleted all my screen names and started over. THEN, he has the nerve to tell me that he didn't do it. Let's just say that I was one unhappy Manda.
So, to do this right...
You think you know, but you have NO IDEA...
...This is the diary of Amanda...